Be Silly, Be Honest, Be Kind. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Mason


When Mason was 18 months old, I started getting really concerned that he wasn’t talking like the kids his age and younger were talking.  I scheduled an appointment with his doctor who assured me that all kids are on their own timetable and he would start talking soon.  At age 2, I contacted a developmental screening organization.  When he was screened, he was normal in every other area except speech, but once again they said he was just a late talker and they weren’t concerned.  Several times throughout age 2-3 I had him screened, talked to my doctor and other professionals and again was reassured that he was developmentally on track and that he was just a late talker.  

When he turned 3 and went to Pre-School, the teacher found many concerns, and if he wanted to stay in that particular Pre-School he had to get yet another developmental screening.  From that screening, they saw a problem and thankfully we were sent to an amazing Pre-school with an even more amazing teacher.

During this year, I took him to KU Med and had him tested for Autism.  At the end of test period, a group of 6 adults told me that Mason did in fact have Autism and to be prepared for him to live with us the rest of his life.  As you can imagine, my world came crashing down. 

I was determined to prove them wrong, to get all the help in the world, and have the attitude that he will in fact lead a fairly normal life which will involve moving out of my house and going on to live a happy life.  So with this, I decided that I didn’t want a label plastered to his name and that I was going to tell very little people about it.  At the time, and honestly up to about 9 months ago, I thought this was what was best for him.  Keeping this a secret had nothing to do with being embarrassed or ashamed of him, but had everything to do with not having him treated differently, letting people feel sorry for him/us, or not expecting Mason to do his very best all of the time.

However, here we are now and I’ve slowly realized that this isn’t what is best for him, and it’s certainly not what’s best for me to be hiding, as selfish as that may seem.  I am his mother; I am supposed to be his protector to hurtful comments, mean kids, and to other parent comments about how he is “annoying” “doesn’t act his age,” how “weird” he is, or the fact that I’m raising him to be a “brat.”  Thankfully, he’s still oblivious to a majority of these, but I am not.  I am a human and comments or frustrations with him, hurt me.  They actually hurt me more than you can imagine, and I think it’s because I know what’s in store for him in the future, when he does care. 


So here it is:

Mason was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3.  In North Carolina, he was tested and that diagnosis changed to PDD-NOS.  A year later it was changed once again to Asperger’s.   We went to another specialist and he was baffled because he doesn’t fit into ONE category.  He shows bit and pieces of each disorder.  Which is promising, yet terrifying.  He also has a diagnosis of ADHD-minus H.  Which means he’s not a hyper child, he’s a mellow child.  Mason is high-functioning, which is a huge blessing, but that shouldn’t be dismissed for being capable of acting like a normal child at all times. 

So here are some things I want you to know about my amazing, smart, handsome and completely lovable child. 

He is not bratty.  In fact, he is one of the most loving people I have ever met.  He is compassionate and caring, and I would take a child who displays these emotions over a child who doesn’t any day of the month. 

He wants to interact with you, but doesn’t always know how, which makes him act differently than what you would expect an almost 8 year old to act. 

He only likes to talk about things that interest him.  He’s not being selfish or rude, that it just the way he is wired.   We are working on this and have been for a while; it just doesn’t come naturally to him, like it would to you or I. 

He has obsessive tendencies about certain things, and when he gets into something it becomes his one focus in life and will talk about it constantly.  Right now, it’s video games.   Just because he can talk for 24 hours straight to you about a video game, doesn’t mean he plays them for 24 hours straight.  (Not that it should be anyone’s concerns about what my child is doing, but I’m throwing that out there).

He whines.  A lot.  Not constantly but it’s part of how he communicates.  Again, this is something we are working on and have been for a while.  Spanking him or putting him in time-out will do NO good.  It’s not a behavioral problem.  He honestly cannot help it. 

He’s impatient.   He is doing so much better, but like everything else, we are working on it. 

Even though he can talk and communicate with you just fine, it doesn’t mean he knows what you are saying to him or asking him to do.  If he is standing there and in his brain he’s going over a video game or whatever the obsession is that day, chances are, he didn’t hear a thing you were saying.  Getting frustrated with him because he didn’t answer you in a timely matter, doesn’t do any good.

Mason is disciplined.  He knows the rules; he knows the difference between right and wrong.   He is not a liar, but you have to ask him direct questions.  If you ask him generic or general questions about he actions, he will give you generic and general answers, they may or may not sound like he is “lying”.  If you ask him direct questions about his behavior he will give you a direct answer.  Add that to the fact his brain probably functions higher than most people and it may make it seem like he is indifferent towards the matter.

However, just because I don’t discipline him like you would, doesn’t make me a bad or failing parent.  There are multiple ways to discipline a child, and the way you discipline your child is the right way for you, it doesn’t make necessarily right for me. 


Mason has come a LONG, LONG way since the beginning.  He has grown from a child who couldn’t be near loud noises for fear of a 2-hour meltdown into a child now who loves loud bangs, and many other instances.  Fourth of July for instance, when he was two years old he refused to come outside because he was scared but this year he was helping setting them off.  




Reading this, a person may think that these are all or some of his “flaws” but let me tell you, these are not “flaws”.   So he whines, complains, talks about video games or super heroes non-stop for hours, or acts in a strange way or does something to break the rules?  He’s incredibly smart, and I see a level of compassion that most adults can’t even comprehend because they are too busy judging him because he doesn’t act like an almost 8 year old should, or he’s impatient, or can’t talk right or comprehend things easily like you or I.  In my eyes, Mason is perfect and will go on to do great things in this world, which will include NOT living with us the rest of his life. J 

To some this might come across as “excuses” for my child, and honestly that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t make it known in fear that people would.  However, I only want supportive, understanding people in my life, so if that’s not you, we’ll see you later.   J



I will end with, please stop the judging.  I have several friends with autistic children, ranging from high-functioning to full Autism and I’m sure they will back me up when I say:  that hearing about you judging our children hurts.  Stares hurt.  Making comments about how they are acting, hurts-a lot.  I’m constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough for him, failing my other two children, all while being worried about what people think of me and the job I’m doing parenting my children.  I’ve made amends with myself..TODAY.   I am doing enough for him.  I’m doing the best I can for him and my other two children.  I'm the first to admit, that we've had a couple of frustrating months lately (acting out and my parenting with frustration!)  and that writing this has put things back into perspective for me.   

*While I was writing this and was debating whether or not I was going to post it or not.   I peeked at Facebook and seen that 4 different friends shared this story today.  It was almost like a sign up above, that I should post it.   I'm including it here:  https://www.facebook.com/smoffatt2/posts/10205865661475048

Saturday, May 3, 2014

House update!


 Here is a little house update.   3 weeks and we will be standing in OUR house!  The kitchen will not be ready, but that's on me, because I want to be there to make decisions on how the kitchen looks and its just too hard being 1/2 a country away!  The 2 main floors will be ready for us to move in!  The outside remodel will be a summer project.  We are so excited and can't wait to see this in person!


Walls put up in Chris and I's bedroom

Windows added!  Beautiful view!  The room is now sheet-rocked and texture is coming soon.  

1st picture of the opening from the living room to the kitchen

Bigger opening


 Pocket doors added..the real pocket doors are coming soon.   This room is now sheet-rocked.  


 These stairs go into our kitchen

New view!  

Windows installed in Kitchen


 Corner of kitchen with walls ready to be textured.

Kitchen with patio doors installed-along with the beautiful view!  

 Before of living room

Cut-out for new window to match the window above


Windows installed and walls ready for texture.  Love all the light!  


Hard to see-but the Kids bathroom is ready for texture and paint!  
It's going to be a super-hero themed bathroom.  I can't wait to decorate!

Front of the house without new window.  I don't have an outside pic with the new window installed.  As you can see, we have some work outside to do, but it will no doubt be beautiful when it's done!  

Back of the house!  

We are so excited about moving back into a wonderful little community.  And again, I can't thank my family enough for all the evenings and weekends spent over here, getting this house ready for us!  They are the best!  















Sunday, March 2, 2014

Advocare Journey



I’m trying something different, this isn’t like me to write about ME, but I wanted to share with my friends that are interested about a journey that I have been on.  

Since Channing was born, (really, since Madeline) I’ve had a hard time accepting my body and the way I looked.  I have always been tall and thin, growing up I could eat whenever and whatever I wanted and didn’t gain a pound.  Fast forward 20 years later and I swear I eat a mini size Butterfinger and I gain 5lbs!  

About a year ago, Chris and I were headed to what we thought was going to be our last military ball.  I had the hardest time finding a dress I thought I looked beautiful in, so I settled on one I liked and headed to the Spanx department.  Not once did I feel beautiful that night, my arms were huge, I was 30lbs larger than I had ever been, I was exhausted and would have rather been anywhere but there.   I decided that come Monday morning I was going to lose this weight once and for all.  Fast forward 8 months later and I was still sitting at 30lbs larger, still exhausted, and still unhappy with how I looked. I was perplexed because I was watching every little thing I was eating, having horrible caffeine headaches weekly because of the lack of caffeine, going to the gym daily and I still spent the summer sitting at the pool and beach with shorts and a tank top over my swimsuit!!  I just couldn’t get the weight off. 

A friend of my husbands (and now mine!) was an advisor for Advocare and she was always sharing her story and how wonderful she felt and to look at her before and after pictures?  WOW!  She was a gem of a lady who I knew would never lead anyone to false hopes.  Around Thanksgiving, I was back home and I was embarrassed to be in my hometown looking the way I did, so I decided to give her a call to ask her questions about Advocare- never really dreaming that I would get involved in this company.  I thought I would do the 24-day challenge, lose a little weight and go on my way.

Little did I know that phone call would change my life!  When I made that call, I was exhausted, I was overweight and I was unhappy with my appearance.  I remember telling her that I had absolutely no energy and I couldn’t wait for my husband to come home for lunch, just so I could go and take a nap during his lunch hour and I remember telling her how I would get a migraine by 5:00 pm, if I didn’t get a nap during the day.  Looking back on this now, I just can’t believe it!    Guess what?  I don’t need those naps anymore.  Now I have so much more energy!  I feel amazing, and I feel like my attitude is even more amazing.  I feel like I’m in High School again with the crazy energy I have!!


The first military ball

I'm HIGHLY mortified of this picture, but I feel like it shows just how big I was getting.  This was just this past July.  

I had wanted to do the 24-day challenge before this, but the cost set me back.  I just knew that I could lose the weight and be healthier without spending the $200, and maybe some people can, but I couldn’t.  My husband and I decided to do it together to keep us both on track.  When I went to buy groceries right before we started, my bill was $60 cheaper than it had been.  Why?  Because there were no cookies, chips, soda, packaged dinners, etc.   We kept on track and within a month, one of our 24 day challenges had paid for itself, and not only that, we were not putting all of the junk into our bodies, and since us adults weren’t, neither were our kids. 


A couple of weeks ago, we were lucky enough to get to head to a military ball again.   I couldn’t wait.  I had lost this weight; it was fun shopping for dresses.  I felt so good and couldn’t wait for my husband to see me all dolled up.  Funny story goes along with this.  I shopped all afternoon for dresses; I bought two to try on to get Chris’ opinion.  I came home, tried them on along with the dress I wore to the last ball-sans Spanx and with a bigger smile on my face.    His eyes lit up!  He said, “Hands down this one- you look absolutely amazing!”  (Of course, he told me I looked beautiful the last time I wore it, but this time was a completely different reaction.) He chose the dress that I wore to the last ball (not even realizing that I didn’t just buy it) The dress fit me so much better, there weren’t any rolls, and I wasn’t suffering through a long speech because my Spanx were cutting off my circulation.   Most importantly, I felt better than I have in a long, long time. 

I am now 20lbs down with the hopes to lose about 10 more.  We recently went on vacation and I had to go buy a new wardrobe.  I went into the Buckle to look at shorts and since it was early in the season, they just had a few pairs.  Size 29 and down.  I just knew that size 29 wasn’t going to come close to fitting, meaning that I wore a size 34 just a few months earlier.  THEY FIT with room to spare.  I stood in that dressing room, so proud of myself. 


 Anyways, I just wanted to share my story about Advocare and what it has done for me.  Like I said before, this isn’t something that I would normally do, and I resisted against sharing for a while now, but I ask myself, “What if our friend and her husband didn’t share their story?  Or where would would I be if I didn’t know about Advocare and how much it really can change your health and energy levels?”  We’ve all heard the expression that, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?!?”  Advocare has really opened my eyes and made my family and I much more happy and healthier than I could have imagined before I started using it!  I would strongly recommend the Advocare lifestyle to anyone I meet and would love to talk to you about it if you would like more information. 



Side by Side comparison.  It's amazing what Advocare how done for the both of us.  And to think we started with Advocare a week before this past Christmas!  



Last week!  

                                                                 Christmas Eve 2013


Now that I have written this and actually posted my story (with pictures!) I can see even more clearly how much has changed since Christmas 2013-and to think that it was just a little over 2 months ago.  




Thursday, January 23, 2014

House Update!

House update!

Mason's Room!

 This is where the old door was

 The closet is knocked out, dry-walled and puttied (sp!)

 Kind of dark, but they are getting ready to texture the walls!

 His colors are two shades of Grey.  

This wall was from the previous owners, I thought it was cool, so we left it!  

Willy is also going on this wall.  He's ordered and patiently waiting for April.  ;)  




Maddy's Room


 A before picture of the wall:  
We painted the ceiling pink and gave it a border, but I didn't love it.  
We changed it to a lighter pink on the whole wall.  
 The upstairs ceiling have rounded edges, which made it difficult!  
 The plan as of right now is to make this door a half door and the closet another play area.  
 The baseboards and window trim will be white


Maddy's sheet set!  She has polka dot green curtains to match.  


Channing's room


 Before paint/after texture
 Drawing the road wall.  He did it all free-handed 



 Finishing up!

The other 2 walls are this red color 
The 3rd wall is a closet that covers the whole wall.  


 Channing's bedding.  
I'm going to get a crib sheet to match for now!  
Hoping he stays in his crib for awhile longer.  


Upstairs bathroom/Kids Bathroom
Before Pictures ^




 Still a work in progress, but coming along!