Be Silly, Be Honest, Be Kind. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Mason


When Mason was 18 months old, I started getting really concerned that he wasn’t talking like the kids his age and younger were talking.  I scheduled an appointment with his doctor who assured me that all kids are on their own timetable and he would start talking soon.  At age 2, I contacted a developmental screening organization.  When he was screened, he was normal in every other area except speech, but once again they said he was just a late talker and they weren’t concerned.  Several times throughout age 2-3 I had him screened, talked to my doctor and other professionals and again was reassured that he was developmentally on track and that he was just a late talker.  

When he turned 3 and went to Pre-School, the teacher found many concerns, and if he wanted to stay in that particular Pre-School he had to get yet another developmental screening.  From that screening, they saw a problem and thankfully we were sent to an amazing Pre-school with an even more amazing teacher.

During this year, I took him to KU Med and had him tested for Autism.  At the end of test period, a group of 6 adults told me that Mason did in fact have Autism and to be prepared for him to live with us the rest of his life.  As you can imagine, my world came crashing down. 

I was determined to prove them wrong, to get all the help in the world, and have the attitude that he will in fact lead a fairly normal life which will involve moving out of my house and going on to live a happy life.  So with this, I decided that I didn’t want a label plastered to his name and that I was going to tell very little people about it.  At the time, and honestly up to about 9 months ago, I thought this was what was best for him.  Keeping this a secret had nothing to do with being embarrassed or ashamed of him, but had everything to do with not having him treated differently, letting people feel sorry for him/us, or not expecting Mason to do his very best all of the time.

However, here we are now and I’ve slowly realized that this isn’t what is best for him, and it’s certainly not what’s best for me to be hiding, as selfish as that may seem.  I am his mother; I am supposed to be his protector to hurtful comments, mean kids, and to other parent comments about how he is “annoying” “doesn’t act his age,” how “weird” he is, or the fact that I’m raising him to be a “brat.”  Thankfully, he’s still oblivious to a majority of these, but I am not.  I am a human and comments or frustrations with him, hurt me.  They actually hurt me more than you can imagine, and I think it’s because I know what’s in store for him in the future, when he does care. 


So here it is:

Mason was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3.  In North Carolina, he was tested and that diagnosis changed to PDD-NOS.  A year later it was changed once again to Asperger’s.   We went to another specialist and he was baffled because he doesn’t fit into ONE category.  He shows bit and pieces of each disorder.  Which is promising, yet terrifying.  He also has a diagnosis of ADHD-minus H.  Which means he’s not a hyper child, he’s a mellow child.  Mason is high-functioning, which is a huge blessing, but that shouldn’t be dismissed for being capable of acting like a normal child at all times. 

So here are some things I want you to know about my amazing, smart, handsome and completely lovable child. 

He is not bratty.  In fact, he is one of the most loving people I have ever met.  He is compassionate and caring, and I would take a child who displays these emotions over a child who doesn’t any day of the month. 

He wants to interact with you, but doesn’t always know how, which makes him act differently than what you would expect an almost 8 year old to act. 

He only likes to talk about things that interest him.  He’s not being selfish or rude, that it just the way he is wired.   We are working on this and have been for a while; it just doesn’t come naturally to him, like it would to you or I. 

He has obsessive tendencies about certain things, and when he gets into something it becomes his one focus in life and will talk about it constantly.  Right now, it’s video games.   Just because he can talk for 24 hours straight to you about a video game, doesn’t mean he plays them for 24 hours straight.  (Not that it should be anyone’s concerns about what my child is doing, but I’m throwing that out there).

He whines.  A lot.  Not constantly but it’s part of how he communicates.  Again, this is something we are working on and have been for a while.  Spanking him or putting him in time-out will do NO good.  It’s not a behavioral problem.  He honestly cannot help it. 

He’s impatient.   He is doing so much better, but like everything else, we are working on it. 

Even though he can talk and communicate with you just fine, it doesn’t mean he knows what you are saying to him or asking him to do.  If he is standing there and in his brain he’s going over a video game or whatever the obsession is that day, chances are, he didn’t hear a thing you were saying.  Getting frustrated with him because he didn’t answer you in a timely matter, doesn’t do any good.

Mason is disciplined.  He knows the rules; he knows the difference between right and wrong.   He is not a liar, but you have to ask him direct questions.  If you ask him generic or general questions about he actions, he will give you generic and general answers, they may or may not sound like he is “lying”.  If you ask him direct questions about his behavior he will give you a direct answer.  Add that to the fact his brain probably functions higher than most people and it may make it seem like he is indifferent towards the matter.

However, just because I don’t discipline him like you would, doesn’t make me a bad or failing parent.  There are multiple ways to discipline a child, and the way you discipline your child is the right way for you, it doesn’t make necessarily right for me. 


Mason has come a LONG, LONG way since the beginning.  He has grown from a child who couldn’t be near loud noises for fear of a 2-hour meltdown into a child now who loves loud bangs, and many other instances.  Fourth of July for instance, when he was two years old he refused to come outside because he was scared but this year he was helping setting them off.  




Reading this, a person may think that these are all or some of his “flaws” but let me tell you, these are not “flaws”.   So he whines, complains, talks about video games or super heroes non-stop for hours, or acts in a strange way or does something to break the rules?  He’s incredibly smart, and I see a level of compassion that most adults can’t even comprehend because they are too busy judging him because he doesn’t act like an almost 8 year old should, or he’s impatient, or can’t talk right or comprehend things easily like you or I.  In my eyes, Mason is perfect and will go on to do great things in this world, which will include NOT living with us the rest of his life. J 

To some this might come across as “excuses” for my child, and honestly that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t make it known in fear that people would.  However, I only want supportive, understanding people in my life, so if that’s not you, we’ll see you later.   J



I will end with, please stop the judging.  I have several friends with autistic children, ranging from high-functioning to full Autism and I’m sure they will back me up when I say:  that hearing about you judging our children hurts.  Stares hurt.  Making comments about how they are acting, hurts-a lot.  I’m constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough for him, failing my other two children, all while being worried about what people think of me and the job I’m doing parenting my children.  I’ve made amends with myself..TODAY.   I am doing enough for him.  I’m doing the best I can for him and my other two children.  I'm the first to admit, that we've had a couple of frustrating months lately (acting out and my parenting with frustration!)  and that writing this has put things back into perspective for me.   

*While I was writing this and was debating whether or not I was going to post it or not.   I peeked at Facebook and seen that 4 different friends shared this story today.  It was almost like a sign up above, that I should post it.   I'm including it here:  https://www.facebook.com/smoffatt2/posts/10205865661475048

2 comments:

  1. Jen. You are amazing, I have only met Mason when he was little but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is also amazing. You are an amazing mama and have 3 amazing kiddos!!! Hold your head high mama, you are doing great!

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  2. Thank you for letting me know my grandson better, and i know you and Chris will do what you can for Mason, and I thank you again.

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